Sunday, June 15, 2008

advice?

okay, so i know i'm not the first person to ever have a close group of friends in college and then graduate before, which is why i'm asking for help from anyone who knows what i'm talking about.

i'm finding it very hard to maintain my friendships from college now that i've been graduated for 3 years. while i have my own life, and they have theirs, how do you find a balance of how much time they want to spend with you and you with them? so for instance, i have friend A that works a lot and spends a lot of time with her boyfriend and family, but i also have a friend B who spends so much of her time working that she doesn't have a boyfriend and sees her family minimally, and i have friend C who is married and works 40 hours a week. the time A, B and C are willing to spend on friendships are variable and hard to gauge. i don't want to evolve into a person (mom if i ever bear kids) that spends all her time at home, with no social life outside of her household. while i love my husband and my dogs and my home, i value social interaction with people outside of that circle.

so when i email/text: i usually don't get a response back from A until she has time (weeks sometimes), B's schedule is all over the place that i feel bad asking her to hang out when she may be working, but if she can she'll email me back, and C is horrible with communication in general and the odds of a response are about 50%.

and here i am, feeling like the puppy chasing it's own tail... running after friends that don't respond to me or my attempts with any sort of enthusiasm or drive. the harder i try to spend time together the more frustrated i am that they don't want to hang out with me. frankly my feelings are hurt but i don't know if they should be hurt or not because i want them to have their own lives.

has this happened to any of you? how do you deal with it? is there an easy way to find balance with friends in your 20's?

2 comments:

amanda said...

i'm a little, ok, more than a little, older that you - i've been out of college for 8 years and i do know what you're going through. now i'm to the point where my college friends are spread out all over the place, but even with my "new" (non-college) friends, i find that having standing plans is a great way to see people. so whether it's brunch every other week or getting together for a particular tv show every week or getting together to knit on a sunday afternoon, it can be really convenient to just have something scheduled. yes, people will have to miss it occasionally, but it's nice not having to track people down all the time.

The Stitching Surgeon said...

ok...so I know what you are going through too. i also have been out of college for a while now (6 years!) and I can tell you...it gets worse the longer it goes! life is hectic...but I agree with amanda (above) you just have to have a set time. with my close girlfriends we always have a girls night once a month...knowing we all feel obligated to each other makes us really work things out to be there. try not to get upset...im sure your friends want to spend time with you it just hard in your 20s to transition and balance work, family life and friends. good luck! i know you will find that perfect thing to bring all your girlfriends together!